Yeah, so what good am I?

Sometimes I wonder what it is that I have to offer.  It seems like for my whole life, I'd look at other people, and see their different talents.  I'd see something that I want to be.  It makes me wish I could be like them too.  Thing is, I just can't.  I don't have it in me. You either have it, or you don't.  I mean, there are things that I can do, but sometimes, I just want it to be something else.  I want to be someone else. Someone delightfully witty, and beautiful, and talented and funny.  Someone who knows what they are doing in life. I know people would probably say, "Well then, just DO it Kristi"  To which I would say...."well, easier said then done, my friend." 

Like how I just had a hypothetical conversation there?  Yeah, that's but ONE of the crazy things I do. Just smile, nod your head, and follow along. 

I wonder why it seems that no one is ever satisfied with what they have. No one ever wants what they have, and they never want to be who they are.  I don't know, maybe that just isn't true. Maybe it's just me.  Maybe this is just my main goal in life. To find happiness within myself. Right now, I rely on others to make me happy. It's just how it is.  One day, I hope to find the answer that will make me happy.  The thing that I need to make MYSELF happy.  As of right now, Bikram yoga is the probably the only thing that works.  I don't know if that's the end all to end all, or if that's just part of the recipe.  I suppose I'll just take this thing called life day by day and see how it goes. One day at a time.